What's the deal with candy corn?

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Mon, 10/30/2006 - 11:16 — Brian Lusk

It's definitely not corn, and as a candy, it hardly qualifies (although Kandi Korn might be a good name for an adult entertainer). Okay, so why am I ripping off Jerry Seinfeld with this rant about nothing? Aside from the fact that October 30 is National Candy Corn Day (I didn't make this up!), the other day, we were holding a Blog Team meeting in the office of our "faculty advisor," Linda Rutherford (yeah, we actually meet about this), and she had a big bowl of candy corn.

I really don't like the tasteless little treats, but I can't help myself from eating them because they hold a special significance for me. When I was young and had to get a shot at Doctor Joe's office, the nurse would always give me candy corn to ease the sting and indignity of the shot. I really didn't like the taste, but I wasn't about to turn down free candy, even if it was candy corn. Somehow, it's ironic that these waxy little lozenges of pure sugar probably are the number one destroyer of baby teeth. (Maybe Doctor Joe had a tie-in with the dentist down the hall.)

Why is that ironic? Have you ever really examined a piece of candy corn? With their little white caps, long triangular shape, and sickly yellow color, they resemble a human canine tooth that has never seen an ounce of toothpaste. Besides that, candy corn has a half-life of centuries. Caitlin, our former Intern and fellow reluctant candy corn afficionado, tells me that no matter how old and stale a piece of candy corn is, you can still eat it. After hearing that, I had a nightmare of being stuck in a restaurant where all they serve is Spam and candy corn.

Still, like an episode of Jerry Springer or the movie Showgirls, you just can't walk away from candy corn (Kandi Korn?). (Maybe the Surgeon General should require a warning on the package?) Here's hoping your Halloween treats are tastier and less addictive.

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Comments

To spruce up your regular Ole' Candy Corn, try having a few Southwest Peanuts with it at the same time. It tastes just like a Payday.

Eric H — Mon, 10/30/2006 - 16:31

Brian ole bud,
I'm proud of ya for finally coming out of the candy corn closet. It is my firm hope that many people in this country, indeed, around the world, who read this blog will be moved by your candid and frightening admission.

For too many decades, we've only had spokespeople for other addictions, while Candy Corniphilia has languised in those dark corners that polite folks don't discuss, at least not in public. Perhaps it is time to reveal that even Hollywood, which does not usually shy away from even the most bizarre forms of perversion, would not touch this subject when it was originally presented as a script idea. Many years ago, after candy corn was introduced and its effects became apparent, a writer tried to warn Americans through a movie documentary. Although no studio was interested, at last ONE studio agreed to produce the film, provided the author changed the focus of addiction to something more socially acceptable than the dreaded candy corn.

Of course, we know this movie as "Reefer Madness," but very few people know that it was originally titled "Candy Corn Madness".

It is also my sincere hope that you are able to find ways to deal with your addiction. I've heard that counseling and therapy can help, and if not, some electro-convulsive therapy could be the answer for you. We all care about you and are here for you if you need us.

Best wishes to my sick friend,
Kim

Kim Seale — Tue, 10/31/2006 - 03:11

Is it time for a Candy Corn Intervention??

Eric H — Tue, 10/31/2006 - 13:17

I swear, I only use candy corn when I need a sugar high. I can stop anytime. And I assure you that I don't spend all of my alcohol budget on those little red, orange, and white treats.

Brian Lusk — Tue, 10/31/2006 - 14:45

Eric,
Do you notice the classic response? Poor Brian has relocated his house and is now living alongside a very large river in Egypt...
Kim
P. S. For you Aggies out there, that is "De Nile" :-)

Kim Seale — Tue, 10/31/2006 - 19:04

ssssh! Don't tell them about the candy corn den next door

Brian Lusk — Tue, 10/31/2006 - 19:43

It's such a sad thing. First a few Kernals here or there, and the next thing you know it's Candy corn ties, Candy corn liqueur, candy corn action figures, a sharper image do-it-yourself candy corn office kit in skymall magazine.....etc etc. Well maybe not the tie it's not a common occurance in these hallowed halls.

Eric H — Tue, 10/31/2006 - 21:11

Help!
I am surrounded by enablers. I walked into the office this morning and there was a huge bowl of candy corn. Oh my aching teeth.
signed,
strung out on candy corn

Brian Lusk — Wed, 11/01/2006 - 16:01

Dear Brian,
A few friends of yours (Eric and Kim) have brought your plight to my attention. This is just a note to let you know that we're here for you if you need us, but the first step is that you have to admit that you have a problem. We do have a 37-step treatment program that can help you wean yourself from your addiction that begins with you following the Canyon Blue Road and clicking your shiny red ruby slippers (the ones that you stole from Ms. Kandi Korn over at the Dew Drop Inn on Harry Hines) together three times.

Please don't hesitate to call if I can answer any questions for you or be of any further assistance: 1-800-I CAN'T STOP EATING CANDY CORN. We'd love to see you at our next meeting.

Best wishes,
Mr. Yankin Urchain

President of Candy Cornaholics Anonymous — Wed, 11/01/2006 - 17:11

Dear Mr. Urchain,
I tried dialing that number but my hands were shaking from the sugar high!

Brian Lusk — Wed, 11/01/2006 - 17:50

I think candy corn is disgusting. Almost as disgusting as the way the suns played against the lakers on halloween night. Lakers won 114-106. Go Lakers! Showtime is back and in full effect!

Jeramy Brian (phoenix res) — Wed, 11/01/2006 - 21:19

Brian,
I understand that an associate of mine is still waiting for you to call him. Perhaps if you are having phone difficulties, it might be easier for you to just go directly to his website:

www.ACompletelyAnonymousPlaceForCandyCornaholicsLikeBrianLuskToSeekHelpB...

Best of luck in rehab, and we're all rooting for you to make it through.
Kim

Kim Seale — Thu, 11/02/2006 - 02:10

Brian - As anyone who has ever watched the movie "Elf" will tell you, there are four basic food groups - candy, candy cane, candy corn, and syrup...

Edward Shelswell White — Thu, 11/02/2006 - 04:55

brian,

I luv Cannnndy Cooorn it is the highlight of my Hallllloween treats.........I only eat about 3 or 4 pouuuuunds each October. I don't have an addddddiction, I don't know wwwwwhere this nervvvous connnnidition cooommmesss frommm. Good luckkkk

Steve — Thu, 11/02/2006 - 23:03

great minds think alike the sunday paper in san antonio texas has an articale about designer candy corn in all the lastest pastel colors for easter and valintines day ........so those of us who like reallly bad not just bad for you junk food can indulge more than once year.....yum

Robin — Fri, 11/03/2006 - 05:16

Thanks so much for this post. I wasn't going to write about candy corn, but after reading this blog post I decided to write about candy corn on the spreadshirt blog - http://blog.spreadshirt.com.
I write this as I continue to eat thoses pumpkins that taste like candy corn. I can't find any candy corn in Pittsburgh!

Lindsay — Sun, 11/05/2006 - 19:33

I have always wondered about the association of candy corn with Halloween. This explains it.

Chris Baker — Mon, 11/06/2006 - 21:24

Candy corn is like vodka. When you first try em, you wonder why you did. It makes your mouth taste like a garage and causes eventual paralysis from overindulging... But there are those souls who live for both. We call them aliens...

Lakers Tickets — Fri, 03/02/2007 - 22:22

interesting

Sterghios — Sat, 02/02/2008 - 08:50

"Candy corn has a half-life of centuries, no matter how old and stale a piece of candy corn is, you can still eat it." Didn't know that one till today!

Dr. Joseph Portland — Mon, 01/19/2009 - 01:10

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