In this world, there are the greats. The unforgettable. Keri Strug, Michael Johnson, Nancy Kerrigan, Michael Phelps. Lamb Chop.
The first time I slipped that tube sock over my bladed handed and folded my fingers down in unison to meet my thumb so as to form the perfect puppet, magic happened. Since infancy (practically) I’ve been honing my skills and consequently having to use arthritis cream since age seven, but that’s all a part of the game (I digress). In sock puppeteering, I find the true talent is the altering of the voice to match each character. Charley Horse and Hush Puppy didn’t sound the same, did they? The art of finding different voices within you to project through your sock puppets is something to be admired. Obviously.
The only person I wouldn’t want to see in the finals? Mick Foley’s Mr Socko. Google him. Or not. It’s weird.
by Christi McNeill
For my Sport of choice, I choose cat photography. Meow not just ANY basic feline photography…I mastered that practice years ago when Jack Bauer came into my life.
Lately I’ve been getting really into Laser Cat Photography, with my favorite iPhone app Cat Paint. Yes, it’s $.99 in the app store, but well worth your money. It gives you the ability to send your friends photos such as:
Laser Cats trying to steal Rob’s salmon
Laser Cat helping load bags
If Laser Cat photography held competition on the world stage, I think I’d definitely be in the running for the Gold.
I am best at thinking up the most obscure questions and then using Google, Wikipedia, or any other mildly reputable means necessary to find the answer. Of course, my ability to be able eto ask any question to anyone, at anytime, is not always popular. For some reason it just doesn’t matter; I have to know the answer.
This hasn’t always worked out well for me. Like the time I asked a security guard at the Smithsonian Museum in Washington, D.C. if anyone had ever tried to steal the hope diamond. With a very stern look, and a gruff voice, he informed me that, “No, no one has ever tried and it would not be advisable for anyone to try.”
I mean, you see it in movies being stolen, so I just wondered if anyone had ever really tried it? Watching London ’12, I also wondered if, when Queen Elizabeth abdicates the throne, will the National Anthem change to God Save The King? I asked my husband, who just shook his head and asked, “How do you come up with these questions?”
by Paul Thompson
Around age 10, my Dad began taking my brother and me on guided whitewater rafting trips in New Braunfels, Texas. While most people cruise the Guadalupe River in inner tubes, during our first trip, the river was at flood stage, and we had to wear helmets! A couple of years later, he took me rafting on the Rio Grande in the canyons of Big Bend National Park, which gave me my first sense of the true natural beauty that can be found in Texas.
Later on in high school, my friend’s parents owned a 30-foot sailboat that we would take out in Galveston Bay frequently. While in college, I taught sailing to elementary and junior high students at a summer camp on Lake Travis near Austin, TX.
My all-time favorite sailing experience was a true race! While visiting St Maarten during a Caribbean cruise in 2004, my wife and I got to sail on “Stars & Stripes” – which won the America’s Cup in 1987. We raced against “True North” which is another world-class racing yacht. We participated as crew members and were each given a task during the race. It was quite a workout, grinding winches for an hour – but SO much fun!
Apart from flying, I can’t think of anything more liberating than sailing – with the sun, wind, and ocean spray hitting you right in the face! If you’ve never sailed, you must try it if you’re given the chance.
I believe multitasking should be included into the competition. I’m a Customer Service Supervisor in Fort Lauderdale and this is the story of my life. When the weather moves in, watch out, it’s on! We call this “irregular operations.”
In these situations, I feel like I have more than two hands; phone in one hand, talking on the radio in another, trying to write down what the person is on the phone is telling you, while an Agent taps you on the shoulder or whispers more information or requests into your ear. You glance up for a moment and the Ops Agent is waving you over to their gate… all while you’re smiling at the next Customer in line.
by Bill Owen
And Dim Sum at Yank Sing, in San Francisco’s SOMA district:
And the motherload…..Southern food at Mary Mac’s in Atlanta’s Buckhead:
So absolutely—I’d win. The judges would LUV me. Which is good, because our next appearance together would be on “Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition.” But that’s a subject for another blog piece.
The World’s Best Punner?
by Brian Lusk
Okay, I know that I could have picked a loftier goal in which to compete for the title of world’s best—or should that be “word’s best?” However, my brain is wired differently than most people, and I think I have an exceptional skill of crafting punnage—or to my delight and the dismay of those who know me—PUNishment. Nothing like letting an unexpected pun fly to a chorus of groans.
After winning a long series of e-mail pun wars, I know that I could compete against the world’s best punners. My event would be the Marathon Pun event. Seeing how long the chain could be without a repeat would be a puno a puno test of mental acumen against the best punners alive. For example, this test of endurance and mental agility could start with a subject like “tuna,” and I would have a “salad” day, leading to a first-place FINish, without getting sick to the “gills,” but still tipping the “scales” of pun-skill in my favor. With that kind of ability, I should be able to teach a “school” how to create puns in a SWIMmingly manner. In my world, if you can’t pun, you are a “fish” out of water. But if you “can” pun, it’s as tasty as “caviar.”
I see it now. There I am, standing on the medal podium, holding my gold medallion as the “Star Spangled Banner” plays. It would be the PUNacle of my career. Maybe I could get my picture on a box of cereal or a thesaurus endorsement. Hey I can dream, can’t I?